Metaliturtle

Divorce

220 posts in this topic

Hang in there Meta.

Edited by Lancer

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MT - so very sorry to hear this.

 

Really - I cannot offer anymore advice than you have already been given.

 

Hang in there, try and keep the communication open etc.

 

Also - see a lawyer - if the worst comes to the worst you need, IMO, to not get skinned alive.

 

Good luck.

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Many good things said here, don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. Try to take one day at a time and all that... :b:

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I appreciate all the advice and the well wishes. I'm trying to focus on the positive things here.

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does anyone know any legal ramifications for me moving out as far as custody goes?

 

I'm not a lawyer and I can't seem to get a hold of one today.

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I think you are talking about state laws, not federal. So, you need to ask a knowledgeable person from your state.

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I'm really, really sorry to hear this.

 

I don't know much about divorce personally. For what it's worth, the only times when I've been acquainted with a situation in which a new Mom asks for a divorce out of nowhere, there was another man involved, or she was post-partum crazy.

 

Again, I'm really to hear of this. Seeing as how I'm one of the few people close enough to possibly be of material assistance, feel free to PM me, you never know what I might have.

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Thanks for the offer Rusty. Right now I'm asking friends and family to gift me perishable things (food TP etc.) until property division is agreed upon.

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does anyone know any legal ramifications for me moving out as far as custody goes?

 

I'm not a lawyer and I can't seem to get a hold of one today.

 

Not sure how it goes down in the US, but in Sweden the government would be give her a percentage of your pay. Or if you haven't got an income or a very low one the government would give her money anyway and you'd be in debt to them forever...

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Metaliturtle- I don't remember which state you are in, but I strongly suggest that (if you can't afford a lawyer) you at least play telephone tag with legal aid clinics that can either

a. Point you in the right direction of a lawyer in a good price range.

or

b. Provide general advice for a reduced rate.

 

I have no idea how good this below link is with respect to having workable numbers, but it's a link of legal aid offices in Minnesota and it was the first google hit for "Legal Aid minnesota".

http://www.lawhelpmn.org/mn/StateDirectory.cfm/County/%20/City/%20/demoMode/%3D%201/Language/1/State/mn/TextOnly/n/ZipCode/%20/LoggedIn/0

 

A search for legal aid in your state may help, especially with a simple legal question like: "does anyone know any legal ramifications for me moving out as far as custody goes?".

 

I would advise against trusting most of what you see on the Internet since each state has different Family Code Laws and laws change, even though there is a Uniform Family Code that applies in certain instances and that has been adopted by certain states. It is very possible that your state's laws might differ from the usual state laws.

 

It is best to find a lawyer who is licensed to practice in your state--if the lawyer gives bad advice you could potentially recover in malpractice.

 

-

Also, the less you post about things related to the divorce in public the better. Similarly, if I were in the same situation, until I spoke to a lawyer who is licensed in my state, I would communicate with other people by phone rather than by email or text messages--if at all possible.

-

Good luck.

Edited by DarkCloud

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Seeing how litigious the usa is, that is really good advice from DC :b:

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Not really quite sure where to go from here, but I don't really want to be with her after all of this crap went down either.

 

I'm sure con will be by with differing advice soon enough.

 

OK Ill give you my advice and its not that much different from UnO's. A bit more brutal, but if a situation involves kids, I kind of get that way.

 

First of all your bolded statement. Quite frankly I don't give a fvck what your feelings are. YOU HAVE KIDS. I don't even like my wife anymore really, much less love her. If she dropped off the planet tomorrow, I wouldn't give two sh1ts. But she is the mother of my three boys so I put up with a lot of bullshit at home.

 

But I still work and support my household because I have kids. I still talk to my kids. I keep my mouth shut and suck it up when my wife is being a total ***** because I have kids. I do stuff constantly I don't want to do in order to keep the peace because I have kids.

 

So my recommendation is try and get her to go see a counselor and work it out because you both have kids. The nano-second she popped that kid out it no longer became about you or her, it became about the kids.

 

I may not have been the best father ever, and my strained relationship with the life sucking b1tch I married probably wasn't the very best family situation for my kids but I made the best of it, that I could. And I firmly believe my kids are better off because Ive stuck it out all these years.

 

Ive seen way too many kids turn out bad or fvcked up because the family split up. Again its now about the kids. Its no longer about you or "How you feel".

 

Thats my advice, work something out. Because its all about your kids...................

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I've got a different take on that. My father and mother hated each other but they stuck it out for the kids until neither of them could take it any more and my brother and I were fairly ****ed up. Life only got better after they split. My mother found a wonderful, easy going guy who though she is gone he's still my friend. My father, a tough Swiss-German son of a gun married himself a German wife who was as patient as a saint. Both were much happier and my brother and I started the long process of getting all those years of conflict out of our heads.

 

Best wishes Con...hope you can find a solution.

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Thanks for the advice, support, and well wishes. To paraphrase some game I used to play, "Her rejection of our (me and my lawyer) attempt at reconciliation mean she is nothing more than warmongering vermin."

 

Will I get along with her for the sake of my daughter? Yes. Will I fight so my daughter never asks why she doesn't see her daddy even though he lives 10 minutes away? Hell yes!

 

I found out yesterday that she put her lawyer on retainer halfway through pregnancy, most likely she waited until now because I just became fully vested in a rather large portion of my retirement account.

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Well, that's that as they say. Remember, make sure you are the father. Its a hard road and at the end you will be free but life is going to get dirty for a while. Don't get involved in slinging mud. Let the lawyers do their thing without investing any more emotion in it than you can possibly avoid. The longer the lawyers are at it the less there will be for you and her to split. You might want to remind her of that if she starts in slinging.

 

Then you face the big question, how to avoid getting into that situation ever again? Life goes on and there will be good times to come but that will be on your mind, right where it should be.

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I found out yesterday that she put her lawyer on retainer halfway through pregnancy...

 

This neatly disposes of my postpartum depression theory. :blush:

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That's harsh to hear, mate.:( Feel for you.

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I appreciate the well wishes of course, some things that I'm learning now:

 

It's ok to be pissed at my wife most of the time, knowing that her name is now Defendant, and she is guilty of the crime of separating a defenseless child from a loving parent.

 

Her parents have been hiding assets on her behalf for the last 2 years (she would write them checks saying they bought stuff for her and we needed to 'pay them back').

 

Since my wife has more education than I do, we can make a case that she can work just as much as me and make the same if not more money, reducing the amount I would pay towards my daughter and increase the amount of time my daughter gets to spend with me.

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If only my mod powers let me undo the autocensor with this thread only....

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Can't you ask for custody and get money from her??

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